1991 Oldsmobile Eighty-Eight

Oldsmobile Eighty-Eight (1991)
for sale

Price: US $2,500.00


For sale: 1991 Oldsmobile 88 Royal.
1.) This car has 68, 300 miles on it.
2.) Belongs to my 80yr old mother.
3.) Interior is burgundy leather (more like a 1991 Pinot Noir); the leather looks like new.
4.) Engine is a 3800 V6, 4-speed automatic with overdrive.
5.) My mother has only driven the car to Pentecostal church and Kroger’s supermarket.
6.) Mercifully, she stopped driving the car in 2007 or 08 when she nearly set a Guinness Book World Record for causing dozens of accidents before she even reached the end of her driveway.
7.) As years went by, her height shrank further and further until she could no longer see over the steering wheel.
8.) The car has only been garage kept and looks in amazing condition for a 1991…which—when you think about it—is a testament to the benefits of keeping your vehicle in a garage year around.
9.) My mother never drove the car in the snow due to paranoia. She refused to drive in the snow simply because—like all crazy people who watch too much TV—she thought snow was a result of Aliens dumping poisonous material onto the planet (sort of like Chemtrails).
10.) This car has no leaks, which, again, if you think about it, is remarkable for a car that is what…26-years old!
11.) The trunk is big. Huge. Can easily fit 2 or 3 bodies inside it.
12.) Recently, $1, 250.00 worth of regular maintenance was done to it (I have the receipt). This included the changing of spark plugs, Wire kit, Coil kit, and Ignition Module.
13.) Vin #: 1g3hy54c3m1807464
Everything works on this car except for these few things:
1.) The electric window motors barely work, if at all, and therefore, the windows should not be put down unless you like rain coming in sideways through the driver side window and washing the left side of your face.
2.) The felt cover on the inside roof has come loose over the years and started drapping and sagging in the middle. Through an act of pure hillbilly genius, I went out and bought a box of colored thumb-tacs and pinned the felt covering back to the roof. Voila, Hillbilly fix-it!
3.) Oh yeah, I almost forgot, the car has the original wire rims—with the exception of the left front rim coming off and running ahead of the car—65mph down the highway—launching itself in a beautiful 60-degree trajectory onto State Route 35 just like a flying saucer. It was beautiful and surreal to witness. The last time i saw it, it was heading south towards Cincinnati.
Since 2007 or 08, the car has had less than 1000 miles put on it. This is because that was the year that my mother became a vampire and refused to sleep at night, and hence, refused to drive her car.
I do not live in the country, and therefore, the car is only being driven once a year when I come into town to check on whether or not my mother has been abducted by aliens yet.
I am asking $2900 dollars. Why? Because the car looks almost new (has the original burgundy leather interior which still looks amazing) drives like new car, and with the exception of the one wire rim missing, appears in “almost” showroom condition. The tires are new—bought back in 2007 when Firestone was still in business. The oil & oil filter has been changed religiously.
This would make a fantastic car for an old person who just wants something dependable to drive back and forth to Church; or a young person who is in college and doesn’t want to worry about someone stealing their grandmother's Oldsmobile; or a middle-class couple looking for a second hand car that won’t take resources away from their outrageous mortgage payment.
Best offer. No tire kickers!
Cash only. No checks.

update: 2017-11-10


Condition:UsedYear: 1991
VIN (Vehicle Identification Number): 1g3hy54c3m1807464Mileage: 68,000
Make: OldsmobileVehicle Title: Clear
Model: Eighty-Eight

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